Week 2: Tide Pods and Goodbyes

The day is fast approaching.  I leave for the Promised Land of Orlando, Florida on Monday morning.

These couple of weeks have flown by, but at the same time it feels like I've been gone for months.  There have been great experiences and discouraging experiences.  I have felt a physical, mental, and spiritual exhaustion like never before in my life.  Surges of excitement, joy, and exhilaration.  My emotions have ranged from feeling like I could conquer the world, to feeling more inadequate and worthless than I ever have.  There have been sporadic feelings of frustration, glee, hopelessness, and enlightenment.  Missions really are the definition of an emotional roller coaster.  

One of our teachers, Brother Pratt said something that hit me hard.  He said "If you think your job is to teach people the gospel, you're dead wrong.  The Spirit teaches.  Your purpose is to help others come closer to Jesus Christ."  He's exactly right.  We are not teachers.  We are guides.  My purpose is to love everyone and testify of our Savior.

One experience I had this week was when Elder Riggs and I were doing a practice discussion with a teacher.  We went through it and the feedback we got was not good.  I questioned myself for a while.  I felt so deflated and worthless.  Later that night we had a devotional where President M. Russell Ballard came and did a Q&A.  One of the questions that a missionary had was "How can we obtain more confidence?"  He said "Have faith, take it day by day, and put trust in the Lord.  Don't be hard on yourself.  Don't go down the doubt road, go down the trust road."  This gave me some strength.  I can't doubt myself.  I know that I am far from perfect.  To be quite candid, I am not a good missionary, but Christ will be my guide.  "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Philippians 4:13

Yesterday, we had a new district come into our zone.  The branch president called Elder Riggs and me to be Zone Leaders on Sunday so we had the opportunity to show the new missionaries around.  I told them some things that I felt were important.  I've only been here for a couple of weeks.  I don't know all the answers and I'm less than qualified to give advice, but I feel like these things have helped me.  First, I told them that they are representing Christ and they should act like it.  Always do the right thing even if no ones watching.  It's such an honor to carry His name next to our hearts.  Second, I told them to try their hardest, 100%, day in and day out, and they will be successful missionaries no matter what happens.  Third, I told them to enjoy it.  Don't be hard on yourselves.  Laugh through hard times.  Make lasting friendships with the people you meet, and love them, just as Christ would.  I believe this applies to everyone, not just missionaries.

There was something hard this week that I didn't think would be a big deal.  I had to say goodbye to my best friend on Sunday.  We sat next to each other during a devotional that night and watched a spiritual movie afterwards.  He came over to my residence to take a picture, we said "Godspeed", and then he was gone.  He left for Cincinnati the next morning.  The built up stress of missionary work, worry about family, and a knowledge that I won't see him for 2 years eventually came out.  I cried for the first time in the MTC later that night.  Even though we won't see each other for 2 years, we'll never lose the special bond we built throughout high school.

It's strange how we grow close to people.  I've only been with my district for 2 weeks but they are my family.  I love them so much and it will be so hard to say goodbye to them.  Wednesday night, we said goodbye to one of our teachers, Brother Bronson.  I could write an entire email about him.  He's so intelligent with the gospel.  We've learned so much from him and I can feel the love he has for the missionaries and God.

The longer I'm here, the more I know that I'm supposed to be in Orlando.  The adversary has been working hard on me, but I still push through with the help of Christ.  

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." - Ether 12:27

Have a great week!  

Much love,

Elder Poulsen

It's amazing what entertains you 

when you don't have a phone

Last time seeing Elder Santistevan

I met another Elder Poulsen

Don't worry, I didn't eat any

Our district with Brother Bronson

Our district with our Branch President

Week 2: Luke 22:42

In all of the pain and turmoil we go through, sometimes it's hard to find peace and comfort.  

I always find it hard to have faith when I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  When I think about faith, I sometimes make the mistake of thinking that it is the act of trusting in God, that He will give you what you are praying for.  This week I've rewired my brain to think differently.  Faith, for me, is knowing God's will and being at peace with it.

As cliché as it sounds, God has a plan.  He knows us and knows what we need.  His timing is not a coincidence.  When we learn to trust in God's timing, I know that we'll be happy, even if our world seems to be crashing down.

I listened to a talk by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, called Grateful in Any Circumstances.  He talks about having a grateful heart no matter what our circumstances are.

"It might sound contrary to the wisdom of the world to suggest that one who is burdened with sorrow should give thanks to God.  But those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace, and understanding... When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation.  In grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise.  In pain, we can glory in Christ's Atonement.  In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven's embrace."

I know that life is not easy, and sometimes there's nothing we can do about it.  However, if we put our faith in God, believe that everything will work out, and always have a grateful heart, we will be happy.

"If you do your best, it will all work out.  Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future.  The Lord will not forsake us." - President Gordon B. Hinckley

Have a great week, and remember that God loves you with an infinite love.

Much love,

Elder Poulsen